her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
