The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
