either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We just shotgunned beers for America
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
