My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
