i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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