hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
