Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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