You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
