Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
