yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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