My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
