go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
