I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
