Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
