i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
