Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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