I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
