she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
