I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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