They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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