GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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