I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
false alarm, still single
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