dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
