Are we in a gay sports bar?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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