You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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