Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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