it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
