Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
