i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
