she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
