Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
