pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
