I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
