the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have tasted many bathrooms
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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