Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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