lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
