ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
