If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
