if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
