No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
