what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
