i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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