You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
