I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
