He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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