Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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