we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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