Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
