he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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