So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
